CPE - Wk. 3 and My Weekend

Friday evening, I came home to my studio, having finished my week of chaplaining at Barnes-Jewish Hospital, fixed myself a little supper, drank a Smithwick's and dozed off on the couch. Why was I so tired? It was my colleagues, not I, who this week had faced terminal weans, stillbirths, infant deaths, victims of vehicular collisions and violence. I had the somewhat less fraught task of serving patients and families of cancer and stroke victims, among other illnesses, some going home or to rehab, some facing major surgery or a terminal diagnosis. Serious, serious work, even in the absence of death and violence. My primary assignment is to neurology and neurosurgery units. It occurs to me that my maternal grandfather died from an inoperable brain tumor and my paternal grandmother died from stroke. There is a gentle undercurrent of tending to the spiritual needs of family as I serve this population of patients and their families.

I jerked awake well after 7:00PM, changed my shirt, washed my face, and walked to temple at Central Reform Congregation, passing a house where an old man on the porch called out to me to have a blessed evening and "God bless you!" Rabbi Susan greeted me warmly as I entered, giving me a hug even though I was a bit schwitzy from walking in the heat. The crowd was lighter than I'd seen. A summer reality? Or had people who would normally come to greet the Sabbath together decided to come for the Shabbat morning service instead because of the bar mitzvah celebration that was scheduled then?

Central Reform Congregation
Corner of Kingshighway and Waterman, St. Louis MO

The service was what I needed to close the week and move into Sabbath. And a special treat for me was Rabbi Susan's teaching from the medieval Spanish book of Jewish mystical and practical Torah commentary called Zohar, the portion where Rabbi Shim'on explains how to look at Torah.

Of the angels it is written: 'He makes his angels spirits.' But when they dscend, they put on the garment of this world. If they did not put on a garment befitting this world they could not endure this world and the world could not endure them.

If this is so with the angels, how much more so with Torah who created them and all the worlds and for whose sake they all exist...

Torah takes on a garment to exist in this world. The garment consists in the narratives of the text. But under the garment there is a body, which Zohar presents in mildly erotic terms, and the body is the way of life - the law, if you will, the way of being in the world. But the body has a soul, the essence of the law. And the soul has a soul - God.

As wine must sit in a jar, so Torah must sit in this garment. So look only at what is under the garment! So all those words and all those stories - they are garments!

I sat listening to this teaching, hearing the voice of Consuelo Luz singing "Kabbalah: Torah," whose lyrics are taken directly from this passage of Zohar. Afterward, I told Rabbi Susan that I was hearing Consuelo Luz's voice singing the words from the Zohar as she was giving her teaching. She did not know the singer or song and said she would look it up online.

(View Video on YouTube)

She also asked me if I would care to give a teaching at Central Reform Congregation's Friday evening Shabbat service while I am here in St. Louis this summer... I've been invited to guest preach at the synagogue I've adopted as my home congregation for the summer!

After several conversations at the oneg after the service, I walked back to my studio, listened to Consuelo Luz and fell asleep on the couch almost immediately. At 3:00AM I woke and went to bed, sleeping until 9:30. I putzed around, reading a little, writing a little after breakfast, then ate a very light lunch and headed to the library to use the internet. Mid afternoon I headed to the art museum but found myself not at all in the mood. I, who can spend all day in an art museum, I just couldn't get interested. There was one Renaissance Italian portrait that I love and usually spend some time with that today just elicited a, "There's that portrait," with not the slightest interest in stopping. The crowds were too thick. Was I, perhaps, channeling Mrs. Moore in that Marabar cave? I walked through the German Expressionists in near horror and no desire to explore that emotion. No sooner had I entered than I found myself nearly racing for the exit, a shudder making its way down toward the coil at the base of my spine.

So I went back to the apartment, read a little, wrote a little, listened to some music...

At 5:00PM Saturday I went to mass with Therese of Divine Peace Inclusive Community, a very small congregation that identify as Roman Catholic, yet whose priests are women ordained in defiance of the Vatican; who have altered the liturgy to be completely gender neutral and inclusive, not waiting for the Council of American Bishops or the Vatican to authorize these changes; who proudly include LGBT persons fully in their community; and who practice open communion, stressing that ALL are welcome to partake. They do not recognize the authority of the Vatican to prevent female ordination or LGBT inclusion, yet they do include the Pope in their ligurgical prayers, just as every Roman Catholic church does.

View from the courtyard into the chapel of First Unitarian, St. Louis MO

The version of the Lord's Prayer that was used was explicitly gender-equal, referring to God as both father and mother and "kingdom" is made gender-neutral by changing it to "kin-dom," stressing the kinship of humanity rather than the patriarchal rulership of God. No gendered pronoun was ever used to refer to God. Similarly, the creed here begins:

We believe in God,
Creator of a world of beauty and promise,
the beginning and end of life,
father and mother in the love and nurture of all creation.

The number of God is not the issue dealt with here. Similarly, the section that in the Nicene Creed references belief in the "holy catholic church," this version says:

We believe in one People of God,
the forgiveness of all sin,
the resurrection of our bodies,
and life everlasting in the loving arms of God. Amen

These Roman Catholics are universalists! Forgiveness of all sin! Hosea Ballou would easily find common ground here.

This mass was for Trinity Sunday. The homily was an exploration of the theological concept and dogma of the Trinity that was liberal enough to be usable in a Unitarian Universalist pulpit. The congregation held hands for its prayers, all hugged each other for the passing of the Peace, and they were very welcoming. Their music was played by a flute duo and by flute and guitar trio. Naturally this small congregation wanted to know who the stranger among them was. On learning who I am, why I'm in St. Louis, and why I was visiting them, they were even more gracious - if that is possible. A Unitarian Universalist intern-chaplain and -minister was welcome among them - received with respect. This congregation meets in the chapel of First Unitarian Church of St. Louis.

Home. A call to Walter. A light supper. Out to socialize a bit...

Last night we had rain. So this morning I wasn't surprised to wake to cloudy skies. Cooked breakfast because I was out of milk. I prefer cold granola in milk to cooked breakfast, but toast and eggs works too. A big mug of New Orleans chicoree coffee. A little reading. A little writing. Ablutions. Then I drove to First Unitarian Church of St. Louis - even though it is very walkable - because the clouds were still threatening rain. No sooner had I arrived at church than the clouds cleared and the sun shone unimpeded for this 10:00AM service celebrating the summer solstice, which falls on Tuesday this week.

First Unitarian Church of St. Louis, corner of Kingshighway and Waterman
Educational wing (l) and Chapel (r), from Kingshighway

Summer services at First Unitarian are lay led. Clearly, attendance is also significantly reduced, as the service took place in the chapel rather than in the sanctuary. This was probably the better choice anyway for a summer solstice event, as the sanctuary has stained glass while the chapel has a clerestory all the way round with clear glass letting in the sun, and on the west a wall of clear glass looking out onto the courtyard.

The service began with a drumming prelude. In addition to the drummers, everyone in the congregation was given a shaker, turning us all into percussionists. After a few minutes of drumming, the pianist began with light staccato to use the piano as the percussion instrument it is, gradually working into an improvised staccato tune. A lovely beginning! The chalice lighting was an honoring of the elements: Air, Fire, Water, and Earth. A different person did a short invocation of each, with the chalice being kindled at the invocation of fire. It was an effective use of symbols and words. The service was a pastiche of music and readings - some from the hymnal, some created for the event. The first hymn was the lovely "When the Summer Sun is Shining" - #66 in Singing the Living Tradition. I especially liked member Lucy Vazquez's reflections on the sun based in her memories of summers in Puerto Rico with her grandmother. There were two guided meditations. Not really my cuppa. But if this congregation gains from them, who am I to complain?

Joys and Concerns were voiced only by one person who had a list of the congregation's items submitted before the service. This approach compiled the Joys and Concerns into something very like a prayer, unlike the newsy or sometimes kvelling tenor that sometimes is there when individuals speak their own joys and concerns. But it did seem strange, coming from an emerging congregation and serving a congregation that grew out of the Unitarian fellowship movement of the mid-20th century, where it is considered very important to allow everyone to express their Joys and Sorrows in their own voice.

I was greeted warmly. Several people seemed happy to have a future UU minister worshipping with them this Sunday. On my way out, I was invited to a potluck in the basement. I followed the flow of young adults, thinking they were headed that way but was relieved when they exited the building. I appreciated the invite, but really did not want to spend a sunny solstice Sunday in a basement. And it was only 11:00 AM - not lunch time yet for me. But it was good to spend a Sunday morning with my people, so to speak.

Home. Out to lunch at Rasoi, an Indian restaurant on Euclid. Grocery shopping at Schnuck's. Thinking of the rest of the day: doing laundry, vacuuming, going for a walk, Compline at Trinity Episcopal Church, just a few blocks further walk from my apartment than CRC and First Unitarian... Why do they do Compline only once a month?! Thinking of the coming week as a chaplain at Barnes-Jewish Hospital and reading a stack of articles for tomorrow's CPE class...

Each week of CPE, in addition to serving patients and their families, I complete an evaluation, write a verbatim (a word-for-word account of a patient encounter, with multiple levels of analysis and contextualization, amounting to eight pages or so), and have eight hours of class, which includes sacred text, a didactic based on assigned readings, one of the interns sharing a verbatim for constructive and appreciative critique by the group, and interpersonal group with us five Chaplain Interns and our supervisor exploring the issues that have come up for us and in us in the CPE experience. Each week also includes an hour-long individual session with the supervisor, discussing, i.a., issues that have come up in the week's encounters and progress on my negotiated learning goals. My learning goals relate to risk-taking, bringing patient encounters to an appropriate close, and prayer. These goals require additional record keeping, which will take additional time.

So far, sacred texts used in our class time have consisted of a section from The Velveteen Rabbit (selected by our Lutheran supervisor), a poem by Rainer Maria Rilke (chosen by my Catholic colleague), and a lyric from Rent (presented by my Methodist colleague). My two other colleagues are in the queue to select sacred texts before I do, as it happens. I wonder if anyone else will go biblical before I bring in the Lord's Prayer, specifically in reference to my learning goals and my current extracurricular reading that includes John Dominic Crossan's new book on this prayer. Bizarre that a Lutheran, a Catholic, and a Methodist select sacred texts like a Unitarian while the Unitarian selects from the Bible! Perhaps just the effect of everyone stretching in the interfaith environment? The process is for the person who has selected the text to read it, talk briefly about it in relation to the CPE experience and his or her learning goals, and then open discussion to the group.

Tomorrow the cycle begins again.