One part of the ceremony that many people commented on as especially nice was what we simply called the Family Circle. After Gerhard and Marianne had exchanged vows and rings but before I pronounced them husband and wife, I called their children, their children's partners, and their grandchildren by name to form a circle around them. It went like this:
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| Gerhard & Marianne Rybicki Wedding: Family Circle (Picture taken by Becca Stearns' daughter Marlee) |
The Family Circle
A marriage joins not just two people committing their love and lives to each other. Marriage also unites that couple’s children to the parent’s spouse in a new bond of family, added alongside all previously existing family relationships. This bond calls forth feelings that are sometimes slow, sometimes quick to emerge.
In recognition of this special relationship that is also part of the marriage we celebrate today, I ask Marianne’s children and grandchildren to come forward and form a circle around Gerhard and Marianne.
Forming this family circle are Marianne's children Nicole, Natalie, John David, and Joshua, her grandchildren Benjamin, Nathaniel, Noelle, Jacob, Little Guy, Savannah, and Charlotte, her daughter-in-law Celine, John David's wife, who brings something very special today - she is pregnant with twins Joseph and Lillian - Marianne's son-in-law Guy, Natalie's husband, and Paul, Nicole's partner. Gerhard's sons Marc and Alexander and Marianne's grandchildren Adam, Lucus, and Rebecka could not be here today; nonetheless, they too are part of this circle.
There is an ancient story that is often referred to at weddings. It is the story of Ruth and Naomi. Ruth was Naomi’s daughter-in-law. And her words of filial devotion to her mother-in-law are so beautiful that they are often used to refer to the marriage commitment itself: “Wherever you go I will go. …Your people will be my people.” But Ruth’s words weren’t marriage vows. They were words of commitment and support to someone to whom she had become related not by birth but through her marriage to her husband. In the spirit of Ruth, I invite the family here gathered to repeat after me:
Today we expand our family circle.
We stand with you today,
Offering our love and growing affection,
Trusting that your life together
Will be a blessing to all who love you.
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| Gerhard & Marianne surrounded by the Family (Photo taken by Ann Spear) |
It was beautiful! When Marianne had first asked me to officiate at her wedding, before I had yet met Gerhard, I wanted to find a way to visibly bring Marianne's children, who had played with my children when they were little and been as close as cousins, into the ceremony not only as bridesmaids and groomsmen but as family. And then Marianne asked if it would be okay to have her whole family come forward at some point in the ceremony. Of course it was okay!
I am so happy with the way it felt as it unfolded, a feeling that reached the gathered friends as well as those of us standing in front of those assembled. I told Marianne afterward that I'm not quite sure how I kept from crying. Must have been the fact that I had scripted it.
2 responses:
What a beautiful touch to the ceremony, Paul!
When DairyStateMom and I married, we mostly focused our attention for the ceremony on the fact that ours was an Interfaith ceremony, bringing both Christian and UU elements (and officiants) to the service. My sons were in attendance, but we didn't include them in this way. However, to my great delight and appreciation, one of our UU friends at the reception gave a toast specifically in recognition of the way this was changing their lives. I am so glad she did that.
What a great friend you had, DSD, to be attentive to your sons' place in a day naturally centered on you and DSM! I am happy you found the Family Circle above to be a meaningful addition to a wedding ceremony.
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